why is he hot and cold

I’d known him for five years, but everything felt new now. We talked every day, called each other, saw each other as much as we could. He treated me like his girlfriend—better, even, than anyone else ever had.

He would mention his family sometimes, say he wanted me to meet them. That made me feel included, like I belonged in his life.

But when I brought up the idea of being in a relationship, the words landed differently.

He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He said it was because of a horrible breakup he’d had before. Still, we were exclusive. He never hid anything from me. I trusted him.

I asked him if it could ever become a relationship. He said yes, but also that he wanted to be super careful not to get hurt again.

After that, something changed for me. I started to feel insecure. I wondered if three months was too soon to talk about being in a relationship, or if waiting would just make things more confusing. I kept thinking about that conversation, replaying it. He acted like my boyfriend, but wouldn’t call me his girlfriend. He talked about introducing me to his family, but said he wasn’t looking for a relationship.

We still talked every day. We still saw each other as often as we could. But now, I was unsure. The security I’d felt before was replaced by questions I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what to do next.