why do I need constant reassurance

I was sitting on my bed, phone in hand, still riding the high from Tuesday night. It had been my first date in five years. We met in class, and for once, everything felt natural. We talked about maybe going out again. There was no kiss, but it was sweet, easy. I left feeling optimistic.

She seemed a little shy, but she was texting back. I knew I could make her laugh. I’m not bad looking, and I’ve always had a bit of charisma. I kept telling myself things were going well.

Then Friday came, and something shifted. It hit me suddenly: this anxious, gnawing certainty that I was messing things up. Maybe I’m texting too much. Maybe I’m bothering her. I started thinking, I have to get a second date set up fast or she’ll lose interest. She hadn’t really sent me anything—am I doing something wrong?

By Saturday, it all boiled over. I think I had a panic attack. The only thing running through my mind was that I was texting too much, that I was ruining things, that she’d get annoyed and it would all fall apart. I knew it was irrational. She was still responding. We were connecting more, even though she was a bit shy.

But the anxiety didn’t care. I felt silly and pathetic for reacting like this. I hated myself for letting it get so bad, for how it chipped away at my confidence. I kept thinking: it’s just texting. Why is this happening now, when everything else seems to be going right?

In person, things don’t feel like this. It’s only when I’m staring at my phone, second-guessing every word.

Now, instead of looking forward to her messages, I dread them. I’m searching for something—some way to stop overthinking, to get back to how I felt after that first date, when everything seemed possible.