why is he hot and cold

We’d met on a dating app and I went in thinking it would be just a one-night stand. I’d been fine with that, even had plans for the next day. But we hit it off so well I didn’t want to leave, so I stayed.

When he left, he barely texted. Messages got short, then infrequent. I kept it going anyway—chose to pursue it, even though I wasn’t sure why. Three months later, we were still seeing each other.

Sometimes he’d just stop talking to me. That’s when he admitted he gave me the silent treatment if he thought I was “acting up.”

The money stuff was strange, too. At first, he let me pay for everything, even his things. When I stopped, he made a comment about the “free meal ticket” having an expiration date.

The biggest blowup came when he was convinced I was sleeping with someone else. He said he had “evidence.” After that, I finally asked him, “What are we doing here?” I wanted to know what this was, what I was to him.

He said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, but wouldn’t define what we were. He only said he could see the potential for a commitment and that we seemed to be “headed in that direction.” It felt vague, like nothing had actually changed.

After that, I started putting things off—things I wanted to do with someone else—just in case he snapped at me again. Or in case he suddenly decided to commit. I got too cautious.

He called me vulgar pet names and made fun of me a lot. He requested oral sex multiple times a day, but only reciprocated now and then. He started saying he was physically uncomfortable to end things early. I never had an orgasm with him.

He didn’t seem interested in doing anything outside his home or his city with me.

Once I wrote it all out, I wondered if the good things were even worth listing. But I tried. He had a great sense of humor. He was fun to get naked with, though he had ED and wouldn’t use a cock ring, even though he’d said it might help. He seemed to have a good job, was organized, and we agreed on a lot—especially on explicit topics. I loved talking to him. He was extremely affectionate.

I started to feel hopeful for my future without him.