why is he hot and cold

He offered to take me to a Lady Gaga concert. He talked about movies, karaoke, concerts, even driving out of his way to hang out. He brought up future plans more than once, and it seemed like he wanted to see me again.

When I told him about my social anxiety, he said, “we can work on it.” I apologized for being anxious, and he reassured me, even apologizing for “letting me feel anxious.” I told him it wasn’t his fault, but it felt good to be met with kindness.

But his replies started coming less and less. Three or four days would pass, sometimes longer, even when we’d left things open-ended. Sometimes a reply would come at two or three in the morning, and then nothing again for days.

Whenever I checked in, I tried to be gentle, not accusatory. I didn’t demand constant texting, and I told him I didn’t need that—just a bit of consistency so it didn’t feel like I was talking into a void.

Then he told me he’d be out of town for the rest of the month, helping his uncle. I understood, but the lack of even a short check-in still hurt. I found myself assuming he probably still talked to friends during that time, and that made me feel like less of a priority.

I struggle with anxiety, and the unpredictability of our communication triggered it badly. I worked on regulating myself, not overchecking my phone, not spiraling. But the pattern didn’t change.

I haven’t changed my approach. My check-ins are still gentle, and I haven’t pushed. The gaps are still there, and I don’t know why.

Now I’m left questioning whether he’s busy, avoidant, or just not that interested. I don’t know if genuine interest can exist alongside this kind of inconsistency, or if I’m asking for too much. I don’t know if I should wait and match his energy, ask for more consistency, or accept that this might not be sustainable for me.

I really like him. But I’m starting to feel worn down by all the uncertainty.