why is he hot and cold

She leaned into me on the couch while we watched Malcolm in the Middle. In person, she was always like this.

We’d met through a friend about two months back. For the first month, we talked only over text. After a month of chatting, we finally met up for our first date. That was when she introduced me to her mom. I hadn’t expected it at all—my nerves were shot. The seriousness of meeting her family on day one stuck with me.

We made it official about a week ago. Now we see each other twice a week. When we’re together, she’ll hold my hand in public. She leans on me when we’re on the couch.

But then there’s the space between. Most of the time, she takes a long time to reply to texts. We don’t message much during the day. We never call. When she does answer, she’s nice, but the messages are infrequent.

I’ve asked friends about it. They all tell me not to worry, that her affection in person is what matters. I try to let that reassure me. At the same time, I can’t help but notice the difference. She’s so present when we’re together, but over text, it feels distant.

I know she works and studies—her days must be packed. I only study, but I drive a lot every day and sometimes don’t answer right away myself. Sometimes I wait on purpose, so she doesn’t feel pressured to reply quickly, or so I don’t seem too needy. I get that she’s busy, and I don’t need more texting. I just wonder if she’s comfortable with how we communicate.

The relationship is still really new. I haven’t brought it up. For now, we keep seeing each other twice a week.