why is he hot and cold

He was holding my hand for hours while we drove, his thumb tracing circles on my skin. It was one of those moments that felt simple, but I could feel something real in it. I’d met all his current friends and even his childhood friends. There were events—his birthday, his sister’s birthday—where I was his plus-one.

We took videos together and they ended up on his Instagram stories. I met his parents. We slept over at each other’s places at least once a week, always without having sex. Sometimes I’d wake to him giving me gentle kisses while I slept. The way he looked at me, the way he held onto my hand, it all felt like we were moving somewhere together.

We talked about our biggest vulnerabilities. He told me about his childhood, about past relationships, about trauma. I did the same. There was a kind of safety in those conversations that doesn’t usually come quickly.

He told me, early on, that he was still getting over his ex from a year ago, and that he was a bit nervous about dating again. But he said he wanted to try, because he didn’t meet someone like me all the time.

Then there was the talk. We decided we’d try a committed relationship. After all that, it felt like the next step.

Seven days later, everything changed. He got freaked out. He told me he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship after all. He said he thought he was, but turns out he wasn’t. He said he was confused and felt shitty about himself. He looked like he wanted to collapse, and he couldn’t stop holding onto me, like he didn’t want me to leave.

I told him we should take some time off and maybe circle back after the holidays if we wanted to keep a friendship. Then I left. We haven’t spoken since.

Now I keep replaying all of it in my head—the closeness, the things we shared, and then how abruptly it ended. I don’t know if it was really about me, or if it was something about his past, or the way he handles relationships. I keep wondering if it was some kind of shutdown response, or if he just realized he wasn’t ready, no matter who it was with.

For now, I’m planning to move on. I’m not desperate for a relationship, but if he reaches out after the holidays, maybe we can see if a friendship is possible. I see value in him, but I don’t want to waste time on someone who isn’t ready. I’m just waiting, not sure what happens next.