why is he hot and cold

“It’s so hard to leave.”

We’d spent the whole day together—one of those dates that just kept going, ending up back at my place. We’d been seeing each other a little over a month, and a week ago she’d brought up being exclusive, just the two of us. I agreed. Before that, I’d told her I didn’t want to rush into anything serious, and she said she was on the same page. But things kept deepening.

After sex, she’d get affectionate, snuggling close, saying how hard it was to go. She told me she talked about me a lot to her family, that her closest friend knew all about me. She wanted me to join her on a trip she was planning, and she’d bring up summer plans for us.

In those moments, it felt like we were moving toward something real.

But every time I tried to say something about how I felt, it was different. I’d text her after a date—“Had a good time, I miss you already.” She wouldn’t respond, or she’d steer the conversation somewhere else. Lying next to her, I’d say I liked her. She never really replied. I mentioned to her that I’d told a friend she was my girlfriend. She said, “I don’t really like labels.”

I know she got out of a long, bad relationship last October—three or four years, she told me. Maybe that’s part of it. I don’t know.

We keep seeing each other, two or three times a week now, making plans, spending time together. But I stay guarded, not saying everything I want to say.