why is he hot and cold

That’s how it always was. There were years when we talked on the phone every single night, back when we were teenagers, and later, in our early twenties. We both knew there was something more, but we never said it out loud. The calls went on for years, and then they just stopped.

After that, we saw each other only now and then. There were signs—kisses, messages, words, gestures. But every time we got closer, he would vanish. He wouldn’t answer, wouldn’t reply, just disappeared for a while. And then, just as suddenly, he’d reach out again, acting as if nothing had happened.

The pattern repeated so many times. I started to feel insecure, doubting whether he ever had feelings for me, even though those signs were there. It hurt, every time. I never got used to it.

After years of this, I finally started a relationship with someone else. I put real distance between us. It felt like the only way to stop getting hurt.

But early this year, we started texting again. This time, something changed. We both confessed that we had wanted a relationship for many years, that we really did have feelings for each other. We admitted we had been too afraid, each of us thinking the other didn’t want it.

A little while after that, he called me. When we met, he paid for things. He said he wanted to see me again soon.

And then, after that meeting, he disappeared again. Not completely—sometimes he replied, but it was different. When my birthday came, I sent him wishes. He didn’t respond. Not even a simple thank you.

I don’t understand it. He can be so quick to answer in emergencies, always there in a heartbeat if something serious is happening. But otherwise, he just goes silent, especially after we get close. I keep wondering why he does it.

What confuses me even more is how much it still bothers me. I have other friends who are bad at texting, but it doesn’t affect me like this. When he disappears, I start doubting myself all over again, questioning if I did something wrong, or if he ever really cared. I tell myself it shouldn’t matter, not after all these years, but it still does. I still don’t know why.