how long should a situationship last

I thanked him for the gift, and then I said it:

"I really value how much you prioritize your friends. I think it’s healthy. But I want to understand where I fit in."

"I feel so connected with you in person. I feel desired and close. But when we’re apart, I just… I don’t feel nourished by memes and tweets and quick texts. If you don’t see this going beyond what we’re doing now—seeing each other once a week, talking almost every day but never really going deeper—and if you don’t want to involve each other in our lives in any real way, then I’m going to need to end this. Even though it makes me sad."

"I really like you," he said finally, voice low. "I don’t open up with other people the way I do with you. What we have is real and special. But I can’t offer you more right now."

He told me about his last two breakups, how they’d wrecked him, how he couldn’t do that again—to himself or anyone else. He said he needed time to be single, that he never really had that in his twenties. He didn’t see himself committing to a relationship anytime soon. He might talk to more than one person for now—he wasn’t sure.

I told him I didn’t want to be left wondering where I stood, not when everything else in life already felt so uncertain.

"You are my main person. I’m not like this with anyone else. I don’t feel this kind of connection or intimacy with anyone. My inability to commit isn’t about you. I just don’t have the bandwidth for it right now."

I told him he deserved this time to figure himself out, that I’d given myself years of being single and he should have that too. I told him that if he ever did become ready, I hoped I’d still be available, because what we had was special, but I wanted someone who was sure.

I keep thinking about my sister—how her now-husband came back after a break, how sometimes people do come back when they’re ready. But I know I can’t wait for that.

I’m grieving the person, the friendship, the connection. I’m grieving the future I let myself imagine.