how long should a situationship last

I was sitting at my desk, the groupchat open on my laptop, when my ex posted screenshots of his conversation with some girl he had DM'ed. She’d turned him down. Friends in the chat offered some support, and he replied that he was fine, saying he was “shooting his shot” and messaging other girls too.

I waited for the old pain to hit. But it didn’t—not like before.

A year ago, he dumped me, and less than a month later he was with someone new. I remember sitting alone, scrolling through social media, and seeing them together for the first time. The only sound in the room was the hum of my computer. It felt like being punched in the chest. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to her—she was prettier, had a better body, cooler hobbies, a better career, seemed like a better person in every way. I looked at myself and saw someone average, unattractive, overweight, lost in her career, struggling with mental health. I hated myself for not being good enough.

Even after the breakup pain faded, the way he moved on so quickly haunted me. For a year, I couldn’t shake the feeling that our relationship meant nothing to him, that I meant nothing. I kept going over it, convinced that my flaws made it easy for him to leave and upgrade.

After a year—the breakup-versary—I found out his relationship with his new girlfriend was over. I didn’t know how or why, just that it ended sometime in the first week of March.

I missed having my friends around, so I rejoined our old college Facebook groupchat. He was there too. We’d broken up on decent terms, agreeing that, for the sake of our mutual friends, we’d have to interact sometimes and should be mature about it.

That was when he posted those screenshots, showing his failed attempt at DM’ing someone new and casually mentioning that he was already messaging other girls. I watched the whole exchange and realized I wasn’t as hurt as I expected to be.

Then I checked my calendar. It had only been two or three weeks since he and his most recent ex had broken up. And already, he was back to trying to date again. Maybe he’d even started sooner; I didn’t know.

That’s when it finally made sense. His quick move from me to someone else wasn’t about me at all. He moved on from her just as fast as he’d moved on from me. She seemed better than me in every way, but that didn’t matter.

I realized I didn’t know if he was really over her. I didn’t know why he moved on so quickly, or how he really felt about any of us. I just knew what I saw: this was his pattern.

The weight I’d carried for a year started to lift. I stopped comparing myself to his exes. I could talk in the groupchat, even with him there, without feeling haunted.

I still don’t know the reasons behind his choices. But for the first time in a year, I could finally breathe.