he won't commit but won't let me go

There wasn’t a word for what we were, but it felt like something more than friends.

I met him my freshman year. From the beginning, we just clicked. We blurred lines, acting out every part of being together except actually saying we were. It went on that way for a long time. But the uncertainty always lingered.

Eventually, it got to me. The ambiguity built up until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I gave him an ultimatum. Looking back, maybe it wasn’t the smartest move, but I needed to know where we stood.

It didn’t last. In the end, we broke up. We decided to take some space, not see each other for a while.

When school started again in the fall, avoiding him wasn’t really possible. Our friend groups overlapped everywhere. So, we started talking again. Slowly, we rebuilt a kind of friendship. But as we grew closer, the same question came back: what were we?

He told me he loved me. That he could see a future together. He said he hoped we were “endgame.” But every time we talked about actually being in a relationship, he pulled back. He said he wasn’t ready. He needed to work on himself.

We had the same conversation more than once. Each time, it ended the same way. He wasn’t ready.

I keep wondering if I’m just being strung along, or if there’s really something holding him back that I can’t see. We’re close, but undefined. The conversations repeat. The uncertainty stays.

I don’t know if this will ever change.