he won't commit but won't let me go

He told me that being together should make it obvious he wants to marry me, but it never felt obvious to me. I was twenty-seven, he was thirty-two, and we’d been together for two years. Everything else in our relationship was good. We both had solid careers, great jobs. But whenever I tried to talk about marriage—no matter how I brought it up—he would go silent.

I tried to keep things light, mentioning friends who were getting engaged or married, hoping that would open a door. He just stayed quiet. If I pressed a little, he’d say he felt pressured to react a certain way, that he didn’t know how to respond. Sometimes he’d get irritated, sometimes angry, and always the conversation would shut down.

I told him I wasn’t trying to pressure him. I just wanted to talk openly about our future, to have a casual conversation, or at least a sense of a plan. He’d say the topic made him stressed. He said the conversation made him feel too much pressure.

I tried not to add to the pressure. But I still wanted to talk about what came next for us.

I kept wondering if it was wrong to want a timeline, or if expecting a conversation was bad or toxic. I didn’t know if I was being unreasonable, or if this was just normal. It was always me who brought it up, and it was always met with silence, stress, or anger.

After our agreement, I stopped bringing it up. The topic was off-limits. I felt upset, confused, and stuck. I wanted to be able to talk about our future, but I couldn’t. I kept questioning if I was asking for too much, or if I was somehow making things worse by wanting a plan. The questions didn’t go away.

For now, marriage was something I wasn’t allowed to mention, and I didn’t know how to move forward.