he won't commit but won't let me go

It felt like things were moving forward—after two years of not connecting with anyone, here was someone who seemed thoughtful and present, who shared my interests and values. I was excited, hopeful.

About a month into dating, I asked if we could be exclusive. He agreed. It felt real, like we were building something. He seemed emotionally available, put in effort, and was attentive.

A month ago, I raised the conversation I’d been thinking about—defining the relationship. Instead, he said, “I’d rather wait until September to talk about that. We’ll both be traveling over the summer.”

I didn’t really understand. We were already exclusive, so what would be different about calling it official? He didn’t explain, and I let it go for a while.

But it kept bothering me. Another month passed. I brought it up again. He still didn’t feel ready to be my boyfriend, and he still couldn’t say what would change by being official. I told him that September would make it six months, which felt too long to wait for clarity. He said he understood.

Since then, my enthusiasm has faded. I still see him, but I feel stuck. I can’t explore other connections, because we’re exclusive, but we’re not officially together either. I wonder if he’s unsure about me, or if he’s just not capable of commitment—he’s thirty-four and has never been in a serious relationship. Until now, he’s acted emotionally available and secure, but this situation casts doubt on that.

Meanwhile, other men keep asking me out. At the grocery store, at the farmer’s market, in my Instagram messages. Even a cute guy from my past reached out.

I don’t know what to do. I’m still dating him, but I feel frustrated and uncertain. I keep replaying the conversations, doubting what’s really going on. I could keep waiting, I could end things (but that feels too soon), or I could suggest we date other people as well. I haven’t decided. I ask others if they’ve been in this situation, how they handled it, and how long they would wait for commitment.