he won't commit but won't let me go

We were sitting together when I brought it up, as gently as I could. I asked when he thought he’d be ready for us to get engaged, or to start looking for a house. He got upset, right away.

“You’re pressuring me,” he said.

He always said that. I told him I just wanted to know if he had any idea when he might be ready. It never changed his answer.

“I don’t know. I’m not ready yet.”

No reason. No timeline. Just not ready.

We’ve had these conversations before. When we first talked about our future, we both said that marriage and buying a home were important to us. We both meant it, or I thought we did. We both have good jobs. We’ve saved enough for a down payment. There’s nothing stopping us, at least not on paper.

After those talks, I’d lie awake, replaying everything. I wondered if I was asking too often, or if I was somehow making things worse just by wanting to know.

But every time I tried to talk about it, it ended with him upset and me feeling smaller. He never gave a reason. He couldn’t tell me when he might be ready—just that he wasn’t.

I started to wonder if he would ever be ready, or if he even loved me. I wondered if maybe he was only with me because he didn’t think he could find someone else.

I haven’t left. I keep thinking about it, but I’m terrified of being alone.

Nothing has changed yet. I’m still here, still asking myself if I should wait or if I need to find a way to move on.