my friends left me out

The two of them were together.

That feeling started up. I knew what it meant: the spiral. I thought about how alone I felt, and the idea kept coming back—maybe I should just never see them again.

I wondered who else might be there. Maybe it was the other group of girls. Or maybe it really was just the two of them, not including me. I couldn’t know. My brain just decided they were hanging out without me because nobody wanted me around, because nobody liked me.

I remembered the time we argued about this. I’d brought up how I felt seeing them together. They told me, “We have other friends that sometimes invite us out.” “Sometimes we’re just alone.”

But it didn’t stop the spiral. Even though, as far as I knew, they’d only hung out without me once, just the two of them. Every other time, it was with people I didn’t know, or people I didn’t even want to know.

Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been banished. Unimportant. Cast aside.

Now that they live closer together, it feels like it’s going to happen more. Like I’ll be left out again and again.

There’s this one girl in the group who, to me, would never be excluded. She just radiates value. I don’t know how to do that, or how to be that. I wish I was valuable enough to be invited to everything.

The first time was Halloween. I saw the photos on Instagram—everyone from the group together, dressed up, posting about it. I wasn’t there.

I sent a message to the person I felt closest to. I asked about the Halloween get-together. She told me that someone else from the group, someone I’m not as close with, had organized it, so she didn’t have control over the guest list.

That was the explanation I got.

Then, a couple of days ago, it happened again. I saw on social media that they had exchanged Secret Santa gifts with each other. More pictures, another event, and again I hadn’t been included.

One of the people in the group is my temporary roommate. She’s one of the ones who posts a lot of their group photos online.

Each time I see another post, it hits the same way. Halloween, Secret Santa, the group together, and me not there.

I used to think I was part of the group. Now I just feel left out, but I don’t know why.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel extremely depressed. I keep thinking I need to find new friends, but I have no idea where to start.

The photos keep showing up on my feed. My roommate is in them, and she’s one of the people posting. I still see all of it, even when I try not to.

I’m stuck not knowing what happened, or how to move forward. I just know I keep seeing them together, and I’m not there.

My finger hovered over Instagram, moving through stories on autopilot, until one caught me. It was a clip from the beach—my friends, all together.

I hadn’t known there was a beach trip. No one had mentioned anything to me. The only reason I found out was this story, posted for everyone to see.

What made it feel worse was the night before. I had spent time with one of them, just the two of us. There was no mention of a plan, no hint that something was happening the next day that I wasn’t part of.

It wasn’t like this was a group I barely knew. I’d hung out with all of them before. I thought we were close enough that I’d be included if something like this came up.

But when I saw that story, it hit me that I was the only one missing. Not just forgotten, but excluded.

I haven’t said anything about it. I haven’t messaged anyone or asked what happened. I don’t know if I should bring it up or just act like I never saw it.

Now I’m just stuck, not knowing what to do, not sure where I stand. The story is still there on Instagram, and I keep replaying it in my mind, trying to make sense of why it happened and what I’m supposed to do next.

I was scrolling through my phone last night when I saw it—a photo from one of my friends in the group. It was all of them, together, out somewhere, looking like they were having a good time. I wasn’t there.

It didn’t really register at first. I just tapped ‘like,’ barely thinking about it. That’s what I always do. It was automatic.

But then, the photo disappeared. Gone. Deleted.

That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t supposed to see it.

Suddenly, the whole thing felt different. My chest tightened. I started thinking: when did I become the person who gets left out?

I kept looking at my phone, as if the picture might come back, or maybe there’d be a message explaining things. Nothing. Just the silence and the empty space where the post had been.

Did I do something? Was there a reason? I didn’t know. I just kept replaying the moment in my head—seeing them all together, realizing I hadn’t even known there were plans.

Now I’m left wondering where I really stand with my friends, and if something changed without me noticing. The question is still there, open, echoing back at me.

Her birthday dinner, in her apartment, with the group. One after another, the clips showed friends I’d known for years, the ones we always saw at each other’s gatherings. The same faces I’d invited to every event I’d hosted, large or small. The ones she’d always been included in, even at my wedding.

I watched as she posted more videos, showing off the party, the effort she’d put in, the care behind every detail. There was laughter, decorations, our mutual friends around her table. I wasn’t there.

We’d been friends for five years. I couldn’t remember a single time I’d left her out, no matter how intimate the gathering. She’d been at every dinner, every celebration I’d thrown.

I kept thinking back to her past birthdays, how I’d always shown up, always been there. This time, I found out about her birthday dinner from her stories. The group was there. I wasn’t.

I didn’t know why. I kept replaying the videos, searching for some sign, some hint I’d missed. I wondered if I’d done something, or if something had changed and I just hadn’t noticed. I didn’t know if it was intentional, or if there was a reason I wasn’t aware of.

I hesitated, not sure if I should be direct, or keep it casual, or say nothing at all. I kept thinking about whether to bring it up, or just move on. I felt jarred, unsettled, not sure if I could see the friendship the same way anymore.

I still haven’t decided what to do. The friendship feels different now, and I don’t know if it’s something I should try to fix, or just accept.