my friends left me out

Her birthday dinner, in her apartment, with the group. One after another, the clips showed friends I’d known for years, the ones we always saw at each other’s gatherings. The same faces I’d invited to every event I’d hosted, large or small. The ones she’d always been included in, even at my wedding.

I watched as she posted more videos, showing off the party, the effort she’d put in, the care behind every detail. There was laughter, decorations, our mutual friends around her table. I wasn’t there.

We’d been friends for five years. I couldn’t remember a single time I’d left her out, no matter how intimate the gathering. She’d been at every dinner, every celebration I’d thrown.

I kept thinking back to her past birthdays, how I’d always shown up, always been there. This time, I found out about her birthday dinner from her stories. The group was there. I wasn’t.

I didn’t know why. I kept replaying the videos, searching for some sign, some hint I’d missed. I wondered if I’d done something, or if something had changed and I just hadn’t noticed. I didn’t know if it was intentional, or if there was a reason I wasn’t aware of.

I hesitated, not sure if I should be direct, or keep it casual, or say nothing at all. I kept thinking about whether to bring it up, or just move on. I felt jarred, unsettled, not sure if I could see the friendship the same way anymore.

I still haven’t decided what to do. The friendship feels different now, and I don’t know if it’s something I should try to fix, or just accept.