my friends left me out

The first time was Halloween. I saw the photos on Instagram—everyone from the group together, dressed up, posting about it. I wasn’t there.

I sent a message to the person I felt closest to. I asked about the Halloween get-together. She told me that someone else from the group, someone I’m not as close with, had organized it, so she didn’t have control over the guest list.

That was the explanation I got.

Then, a couple of days ago, it happened again. I saw on social media that they had exchanged Secret Santa gifts with each other. More pictures, another event, and again I hadn’t been included.

One of the people in the group is my temporary roommate. She’s one of the ones who posts a lot of their group photos online.

Each time I see another post, it hits the same way. Halloween, Secret Santa, the group together, and me not there.

I used to think I was part of the group. Now I just feel left out, but I don’t know why.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel extremely depressed. I keep thinking I need to find new friends, but I have no idea where to start.

The photos keep showing up on my feed. My roommate is in them, and she’s one of the people posting. I still see all of it, even when I try not to.

I’m stuck not knowing what happened, or how to move forward. I just know I keep seeing them together, and I’m not there.