how to get over a friendship breakup

There they were—my two former closest friends—together, surrounded by people I recognized. It’s been years since everything fell apart, but seeing them like that still hits in a way I can’t explain.

A few years ago, I lost both friendships. Each one ended in its own messy way, and nothing was really settled. I still find myself thinking about them, about the memories we shared, and I keep wishing I’d done things differently. It’s embarrassing to admit how much I still care, especially since it seems like they’ve moved on without looking back.

The breakups hurt more than I expected. I’m not sure if it’s the friendships themselves I miss, or the way losing them made me feel about myself. My self-esteem took a beating. I’m not as quick to trust or connect with people as I used to be, and sometimes I wonder if that’s what really lingers—the damage to my sense of trust, not just the loss of the friends.

They’re still best friends with each other. I see it in those photos that mutual friends post. I’m not sure if I should stop looking at those updates. Part of me thinks avoiding them would just be running away, but seeing them always brings everything back. It never feels good, but I haven’t stopped.

Since then, I’ve made other friends. I try hard not to compare, but it happens anyway. Even when I tell myself not to, I catch myself measuring new friendships against the ones I lost. It’s like a habit I can’t break, even though I know it doesn’t help.

I feel silly for holding onto these feelings. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else has gone through this, or if it ever really gets better. I don’t know if I should be trying to get over it, or if this is just something I’ll have to live with—a kind of ache that comes and goes.

The question keeps coming back. Years later, I’m still not sure if the pain will ever fade, or if this is just what it means to live with something unresolved.